Ahoy, my fellow Marauders! I thought I'd present to you the following silly powers/talents and I hope you will join in the spirit of this thread by suggesting your own.
Buccaneers - Toe the Line: this is the opposite of Hold the Line. You are frozen into immobility and must fight from that position.
Privateers - Repel Insects: this power engulfs you in a smelly green cloud that keeps out gnats, mosquitoes, etc. Spiders and scorpions, being arachnids, are immune.
Musketeers - Hail of Hales: triggers all within the area to greet each other loudly. "Hale!"
Witchdoctors:- Jobu's Limp Handshake: This leaves no impression on your enemies.
Swashbucklers - Ungallant Defense: your surrounding companions take your hits for you.

Haha good ones people :)

Sadly I have no idea right now but keep them coming, I might find something too :P

Voodoo Cornelius on Sep 23, 2015 wrote:

Buccaneers Relenting - When this epic activates, the player stops attacking for the rest of the turn
Shrimp's Might - Debuffs Strength by 25%
Turn the Other Cheek - Lowers Weapon damage and Armor when under 50% health (Turn the Tide)

Witchdoctors Summon Scorpion Scorn - Nine Scorpions are summoned and do nothing but insult everyone on the board.
Mutineer's Gasp - Skeletal Pirate is summoned and just looks stunned at a everything that is happening
Terror-Cotta Toupee - Summons a Single Terror-Cotta with a random hairstyle

Privateers Undress the Line - Removes Repel Boarders from everyone on the field (It seems like some privateers would actually like this)

Swashbuckler - Assassin's Missed - Everyone in the area no has 0 accuracy (Assasin's Mist)
- Stumble of Steel - The Player stumbles around and hits anything in the area (Dance of Steel)
- Sleep in Shadows - The player is hidden, but cannot use any attacks for three turns (Walk in Shadows)
- Hurl Sword - You throw your weapon, doing high damage, but now do not have a weapon. (Hurl Knives)

Musketeer - Rain of Mortar - A bunch of concrete is thrown everywhere immobilizing everyone. (Rain of Mortershells
- Underwatch - Bonus attack when an enemy approaches from below ground (Overwatch
- Slow Adjust - After missing you will get a bonus attack 3 turns from now (Quick Adjust)
- True Brit - After being shot with a gun, the companion will now talk in a British accent for the rest of the battle.

These are the funniest things I've read! I salute you!

Voodoo Cornelius on Sep 23, 2015 wrote:

Buccaneers Relenting - When this epic activates, the player stops attacking for the rest of the turn
Shrimp's Might - Debuffs Strength by 25%
Turn the Other Cheek - Lowers Weapon damage and Armor when under 50% health (Turn the Tide)

Witchdoctors Summon Scorpion Scorn - Nine Scorpions are summoned and do nothing but insult everyone on the board.
Mutineer's Gasp - Skeletal Pirate is summoned and just looks stunned at a everything that is happening
Terror-Cotta Toupee - Summons a Single Terror-Cotta with a random hairstyle

Privateers Undress the Line - Removes Repel Boarders from everyone on the field (It seems like some privateers would actually like this)

Swashbuckler - Assassin's Missed - Everyone in the area no has 0 accuracy (Assasin's Mist)
- Stumble of Steel - The Player stumbles around and hits anything in the area (Dance of Steel)
- Sleep in Shadows - The player is hidden, but cannot use any attacks for three turns (Walk in Shadows)
- Hurl Sword - You throw your weapon, doing high damage, but now do not have a weapon. (Hurl Knives)

Musketeer - Rain of Mortar - A bunch of concrete is thrown everywhere immobilizing everyone. (Rain of Mortershells
- Underwatch - Bonus attack when an enemy approaches from below ground (Overwatch
- Slow Adjust - After missing you will get a bonus attack 3 turns from now (Quick Adjust)
- True Brit - After being shot with a gun, the companion will now talk in a British accent for the rest of the battle.

(...continual)


Hurry Kane! (Hurricane) - Diabolical power making your pirate have to use the bathroom-- but it is occupied by that ruthless Kane!
Jobu's Slap - Often needed to dish out after receiving unwanted Jobu's Kiss, Embrace & definitely Breath!
Levi & Ethan's Call (Leviathan's Call) - Torturous, enemy crew de-buff that forces enemies to listen to 2-teenagers engage in a 30+ minute phone call, in which they have nothing to say, but refuse to hang up.
Point Break (Blank) Shot- Summons massive wave in which two surfers, Bodhi & Johnny Utah, hang ten on. Counter w/ Frozen Tide or Infernal Wave.
Shower Monkey's Powerade (Powder Monkey's Palisade) - No clue...just made me chuckle.
Really? (Rally) - A nefarious power, that once used, questions your foe's every move. They use a Buff & boom, 'Really?' shows on screen. They waste a shield on the 'wrong' companion- again, 'Really, Really...Really?!?' pops up. Poor placement of companions & gotcha again-- 'You gotta be kidding!' Another so-so move is made &-- 'Are you serious?' manifests before their very eyes!
Reckless Fonzie (Frenzy) - Your Buccaneer dons a leather jacket & an El Toro-esque, brilliant white smile..."Eyyy!"
Spouse (Rouse) - Perhaps the most terrifying power of all. When engaged in PvP with a friend that you know is married, use this Power to strike fear in them. When used it produces audio clips of their spouse heckling & nagging them. Would this be considered 'OP'...I think so-- a ban from PvP would surely be imminent!
Seen it Comin' (Sneak Attack counter) - A power that allows your pirate to sidestep Sneak Attack, leaving the attacker lying face down, in a muddy puddle!
Tower of Iron Won't (Will) - What the Iron won't do is up for debate, just know that- 'it won't'.
Fun Granny Shot (Uncanny Shot) - When used, cute ol' Granny shows up & has a blast with a sparquebuss.
Skip (Walk) in Darkness - Hidden de-buff causing enemy to skip uncontrollably, in very limited lighting, causing them to trip & fall.

ValkoorTheVictorio... on Sep 23, 2015 wrote:

Now that right there is hilarious, Voodoo-- kudos to you! Love the 'Turn the Other Cheek, Terror Toupee' and'Assassin's Missed' (& others). And Esperanza & Finn, I must say yours were rather funny, as well. Great idea for a thread! I tried to stay away from it...but the force was too strong. So, I simply must give it a shot.

Some are spoofs & some are different takes on current powers. Yeah, I was too lazy to sort/label them by class.

Art Hillary (Artillery) - A summoned Hillary Clinton appears & chants 'It takes a pillage to raise a pirate- vote for me!'
Assassin's Glue (Gloom)- SB power where they spill glue & are stuck, thus poisoning themselves.
Assassin's Strike - AoE effect that gives picket signs to allies, as they demand better treatment for SB's!
Burying Somebody's Standard (Baron Samedi's Standard) - Manifests a shovel so pirate can dig a hole under a planted standard, thus removing it.
Bounding Over Watch - User just repeatedly jumps over a fancy watch. Countered by Timewarp.
Briny Salad (Ballad) - Forces enemy to eat overly-salty foliage, without dressing!
Keester (Canister) Shot - User blasts away & then falls on his bum.
Cowed (Cloud) Spirit - Summons a Bovine Spirit that tries to intimidate & subdue the enemy.
Davy Jones' Reach- Infinite range power in which Davy's dirty toothbrush tries to 'brush-off' the enemy target!
Dress the Lion (Line) - Wicked power that summons The Lion, the Seamstress & the Wardrobe, for dress-up fun.
Fighting Fever (Fervor) - Summon 2 Ibuprofen & a cool, damp rag.
For Bee, I Dance! (Forbiddance)- Sorry- El Toro exclusive power, where he accidentally 'whips' a beehive & dances to avoid them! A-r-r-ri-buzzz!
Fros in Hide (Frozen Tide)- SB team Hide, in which they all get afros!
Gorilla Welfare (Warfare) - Goro power in which he passes out flyers to get pirates to donate to Primate charities.
Connery (Gunnery) - Equips your pirate with a tuxedo & cool spy gadgets...only lasts 007 seconds!

(cont...)

Assassin's Strike - yes, that's a power I could get behind! Sit-in, anyone?
Fros in Hide, oh lol yes!
I've seen Emmett perform Keister Shot with his critical attack animations.
You are a true master, a Jedi of the Farce, and I am only a humble Padawan.

Tabascosaucefire - Like Crossfire, where you squirt a bottle of tabasco sauce in peoples' eyes

Pranking - haven't come up with a prank...

Adele Boarders - Adele shows up and does whatever she does because I don't even know who she is but I've heard the name before

Creep Shot - When someone walks away, you poke them on the shoulder and speak to them in a deep, monotone voice that sounds slightly angry, very threatening

Attorn Fire - You fire your attorney in front of everyone

Jobu's Dues - After you miss (a payment), the target points at you and you shrug

Snitch Hunter - You walk back to class, accompanied by the principal, and point at a random person, dealing 500 damage to them, splitting their armor in half.

Repulsive! - Enemies that you approach will be knocked back 5 squares, trying to get away from you

Battle Squeal - You shriek loudly across the room, giving your team a 100% Accuracy and Dodge buff for 1 round.

Hack Fog - A full team buff that hides everyone for 20 rounds

I'm done now

AndrewDeathblade11... on Sep 24, 2015 wrote:

Suspicious Charge - User looks around the room before confiscating 5 bucks from the target

Big Floppy Weapons 1 - Allows access to floppy weapons

Island Charge - A team buff, making it so that when you walk by anyone, you kick sand into their eyes, reducing their accuracy and making them unable to use ranged attacks because they're blind

Mojo Norm - Makes you look like a regular person

Mojo Beaver - Summons a glowing red beaver to build a dam in front of you

Submerge Magic - Nearby units that currently hold buffs are submerged into the ground

Pigeon Chorus - A bunch of pigeons are summoned, and they fly away from the battlefield when approached

Unmeasured Size of Juju - A juju that kinda does anything

Colorado Step - An old red volkswagen minivan drives onto the battlefield and the user gets in. The camera follows the minivan on a road trip to Denver, Colorado.

Raise Barrackade - Obama emerges from the ground and delivers a speech about whatever is going on right now in politics or something

Depression Fire - Everybody finds a spot to sit down against a wall and loses interest in piracy

Flames of Disruption - Any unit with this talent may shout out offensive things at random

The Awkward's Bane - Enemies who walk away are first asked a very personal, embarrassing question, out loud

Freddied Spell - The scary teddy bear guy from FNAF pops up in front of those who approach the unit

Parade Storm - Whenever a unit destroys an obstacle or kills somebody and does their cheering animation, the unit with this talent will run over to tell them sad news

Abusive - Kind of the opposite of Elusive-- when you're attacking an enemy with less than half health, you do double damage and gain 25% critical chance.

Brick Draw - Before someone shoots at you, you quickly draw a stick figure on a brick. This deals no damage and does nothing whatsoever.

Party Shot - When you're in a large group of people, you shoot one of them and hear a scream

This is wonderful stuff, keep it coming! ROFL

ValkoorTheVictorio... on Sep 23, 2015 wrote:

Now that right there is hilarious, Voodoo-- kudos to you! Love the 'Turn the Other Cheek, Terror Toupee' and'Assassin's Missed' (& others). And Esperanza & Finn, I must say yours were rather funny, as well. Great idea for a thread! I tried to stay away from it...but the force was too strong. So, I simply must give it a shot.

Some are spoofs & some are different takes on current powers. Yeah, I was too lazy to sort/label them by class.

Art Hillary (Artillery) - A summoned Hillary Clinton appears & chants 'It takes a pillage to raise a pirate- vote for me!'
Assassin's Glue (Gloom)- SB power where they spill glue & are stuck, thus poisoning themselves.
Assassin's Strike - AoE effect that gives picket signs to allies, as they demand better treatment for SB's!
Burying Somebody's Standard (Baron Samedi's Standard) - Manifests a shovel so pirate can dig a hole under a planted standard, thus removing it.
Bounding Over Watch - User just repeatedly jumps over a fancy watch. Countered by Timewarp.
Briny Salad (Ballad) - Forces enemy to eat overly-salty foliage, without dressing!
Keester (Canister) Shot - User blasts away & then falls on his bum.
Cowed (Cloud) Spirit - Summons a Bovine Spirit that tries to intimidate & subdue the enemy.
Davy Jones' Reach- Infinite range power in which Davy's dirty toothbrush tries to 'brush-off' the enemy target!
Dress the Lion (Line) - Wicked power that summons The Lion, the Seamstress & the Wardrobe, for dress-up fun.
Fighting Fever (Fervor) - Summon 2 Ibuprofen & a cool, damp rag.
For Bee, I Dance! (Forbiddance)- Sorry- El Toro exclusive power, where he accidentally 'whips' a beehive & dances to avoid them! A-r-r-ri-buzzz!
Fros in Hide (Frozen Tide)- SB team Hide, in which they all get afros!
Gorilla Welfare (Warfare) - Goro power in which he passes out flyers to get pirates to donate to Primate charities.
Connery (Gunnery) - Equips your pirate with a tuxedo & cool spy gadgets...only lasts 007 seconds!

(cont...)

OMG I am dying because of the second to last one. These are amazing!

DuranteRamses87 on Sep 24, 2015 wrote:

I was eating breakfast when I was reading this and I was laughing so hard I almost died on cereal.

Virtuous Dante Ramsey

Would that make your breakfast a cereal killer?

anecorbie on Sep 22, 2015 wrote:

Ahoy, my fellow Marauders! I thought I'd present to you the following silly powers/talents and I hope you will join in the spirit of this thread by suggesting your own.
Buccaneers - Toe the Line: this is the opposite of Hold the Line. You are frozen into immobility and must fight from that position.
Privateers - Repel Insects: this power engulfs you in a smelly green cloud that keeps out gnats, mosquitoes, etc. Spiders and scorpions, being arachnids, are immune.
Musketeers - Hail of Hales: triggers all within the area to greet each other loudly. "Hale!"
Witchdoctors:- Jobu's Limp Handshake: This leaves no impression on your enemies.
Swashbucklers - Ungallant Defense: your surrounding companions take your hits for you.

How am I only seeing this board now?
Cold the Line: All enemies who approach you begin shivering and step back.
Careful Charge: User takes out a ruler, a protractor, and a compass to get a good estimation of where to strike the enemy before each hit. The user takes a lot of verbal abuse from the targets.
My Tea Charge: User calls Dolan's Tea Co. and when they hang up, a wooden crate lands on them. The crate then proceeds to roll off the user and onto whoever is in the same row.
Overprotective Watch: User stands right next to an ally, glares at them uncomfortably, and whenever an opponent gets with 5 squares of the ally, the user goes ballistic at them.
Crepe Shot: The user shoots crepes at everyone, who then put on berets and start speaking in French accents.
Double Cap: Whenever the user gets a crit, they put on an extra hat.
Address the Line: User recites a speech talking about the American Civil War, which confuses both allies and enemies. The allies put on blue military uniforms and the opponents put on grey uniforms, which they wear for the next 10 rounds.
Repel Quarters: Enemy drops their wallet and user begins kicking away all the quarters, angering the enemy. The user will begin accidentally stepping on the opponents' hand and the opponent will get really ticked off.
Cattle Deal(Battle Zeal): A rather suspicious looking cow walks up to the user, who holds out money behind their back which is collected by the cow. The cows then drops off a briefcase, and leaves.
Black Cog: A black gear drops onto the field and creates an obstacle.
Bassassin's Slap: User pulls out a giant sea bass and slaps the opponent with it.
Back Clap: User sneaks up on an enemy and claps loudly, making them scream soprano.
Charming: User lets their hair down and shakes their hair in slow-mo. The enemy stares in awe.
Lone Chant: If there's nobody near the user, they begin singing.
Bros Song: Two guys meet up, do a secret handshake, and start having a rap battle. The user wins.