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Extremely Dry Jokes

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AuthorMessage
Captain
Oct 26, 2012
524
This joke is pretty dry (I think) so maybe you should prepare for a face palm.

What do the armada eat in Christmas?
Candy Kane.

Who does cat beard get his gifts from Christmas from?
Santa Claws

May post more later...
Pirate Overlord
Mar 10, 2009
6204
Why can't you play cards on a pirate ship?
Because someone is always standing on the deck.

What do you call a pirate who skips school?
Captain Hooky.

What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
A rookie.

Why do pirates never starve when shipwrecked?
Because of all the sand which is there.

Why do pirates always put soap in their pockets during a storm?
If they get shipwrecked they can wash themselves ashore.
Captain
Jun 26, 2010
734
Well... that ... is ... um .....?

-Deadeye Jack Morgan
Ensign
Jul 26, 2009
38
I have one too:

What did one ninja pig say to the other ninja pig?

Get it? Ninja Pigs don't talk!

Well, at least I tried.
Gunner's Mate
May 28, 2013
294
What is a pirate's favorite fish?

A GOLDfish!

How does a pirate get rid of unwanted treasure?

A YARd sale!
Gunner's Mate
Apr 13, 2010
224
How do you eat General Tso Chicken?
Threaten it.

-George Gordon, lvl 36
Captain
May 13, 2011
564
Bosun
Aug 08, 2012
318
Why did General Tso cross the line?
To get to his chicken!
Captain
Dec 11, 2010
748
Knock Knock
Who's there
El Toro
El Toro who?
El Toro *Music plays*
Dread Pirate
Jun 17, 2013
2743
What is Kobe Yojimbo's favorite type of footwear?
- MooShoes

Why does Ratbeard like fighting ship battles so much?
- For the Gnawtical XP

What is Bonnie Anne's favorite way to send a message?
- By using a Fox machine

Why did Hawkules keep jumping over the plank?
- Because someone yelled "Man, overboard"

What is El Toro's Favorite dessert topping?
- Whipped Cream (or Cool Whip- depends on the dessert)

What type of house does El Toro live in?
- A Cape Cod

How does El Toro keep his mask from falling off?
- By using masking tape

Why are most of the Cool Ranch residents never thirsty?
- Because they wear Ten Gallon hats

What is the Monkey King's favorite beverage manufacturer?
- Celestial Seasonings

What is brown, round, filled with termites and can support a furry critter?
- Ratbeard's peg leg

This time, why did Hawkules throw the plank at the enemy ship?
- Because his Captain told him "Prepare to board them"

Where is Sam's residence located?
- Under hill

Why was Chrissy always the one to christen a ship?
- Because she was the best equipped to Bless the Fleet

Why does Golden Guardian enjoy spelunking?
- He loves spending time in The Land Down Under

What do you get when you cross El Toro with a sleeping Ratbeard?
- A Bulldozer

What is Bonnie Anne's and Lucky Jack Russell's favorite movie to watch together?
- The Fox and the Hound

What is Gortez's favorite month?
- Ape-ril

What is El Toro's favorite sea creature?
- A Mana-T

What is El Toro's favorite sandwich?
- Bullogna and Cheese

Why was Subodai feeling ill?
- He had a hoarse voice

What did Ratbeard say when his peg leg fell into the icy water?
- Shiver me timbers

Why did Barnabus try to give Dead Mike CPR?
- Because he looked a bit lifeless

Why are Valkoor's jokes sooooooo very, very dry?
- Because there's no water in the Skyways

Sorry, I couldn't resist- dry is my middle name...or is it arid...or maybe parched?
Captain
May 13, 2011
564
ValkoorTheVictorio... on Mar 1, 2014 wrote:
What is Kobe Yojimbo's favorite type of footwear?
- MooShoes

Why does Ratbeard like fighting ship battles so much?
- For the Gnawtical XP

What is Bonnie Anne's favorite way to send a message?
- By using a Fox machine

Why did Hawkules keep jumping over the plank?
- Because someone yelled "Man, overboard"

What is El Toro's Favorite dessert topping?
- Whipped Cream (or Cool Whip- depends on the dessert)

What type of house does El Toro live in?
- A Cape Cod

How does El Toro keep his mask from falling off?
- By using masking tape

Why are most of the Cool Ranch residents never thirsty?
- Because they wear Ten Gallon hats

What is the Monkey King's favorite beverage manufacturer?
- Celestial Seasonings

What is brown, round, filled with termites and can support a furry critter?
- Ratbeard's peg leg

This time, why did Hawkules throw the plank at the enemy ship?
- Because his Captain told him "Prepare to board them"

Where is Sam's residence located?
- Under hill

Why was Chrissy always the one to christen a ship?
- Because she was the best equipped to Bless the Fleet

Why does Golden Guardian enjoy spelunking?
- He loves spending time in The Land Down Under

What do you get when you cross El Toro with a sleeping Ratbeard?
- A Bulldozer

What is Bonnie Anne's and Lucky Jack Russell's favorite movie to watch together?
- The Fox and the Hound

What is Gortez's favorite month?
- Ape-ril

What is El Toro's favorite sea creature?
- A Mana-T

What is El Toro's favorite sandwich?
- Bullogna and Cheese

Why was Subodai feeling ill?
- He had a hoarse voice

What did Ratbeard say when his peg leg fell into the icy water?
- Shiver me timbers

Why did Barnabus try to give Dead Mike CPR?
- Because he looked a bit lifeless

Why are Valkoor's jokes sooooooo very, very dry?
- Because there's no water in the Skyways

Sorry, I couldn't resist- dry is my middle name...or is it arid...or maybe parched?
those jokes were hilarious, or should i say hilARRRRious?

why is catbeard never present during lectures? hes never herring what you say

the citizens of la mancha would always go bananas after the monkeys paw returned
Pirate Overlord
Mar 10, 2009
6204
ValkoorTheVictorio... on Mar 1, 2014 wrote:
What is Kobe Yojimbo's favorite type of footwear?
- MooShoes

Why does Ratbeard like fighting ship battles so much?
- For the Gnawtical XP

What is Bonnie Anne's favorite way to send a message?
- By using a Fox machine

Why did Hawkules keep jumping over the plank?
- Because someone yelled "Man, overboard"

What is El Toro's Favorite dessert topping?
- Whipped Cream (or Cool Whip- depends on the dessert)

What type of house does El Toro live in?
- A Cape Cod

How does El Toro keep his mask from falling off?
- By using masking tape

Why are most of the Cool Ranch residents never thirsty?
- Because they wear Ten Gallon hats

What is the Monkey King's favorite beverage manufacturer?
- Celestial Seasonings

What is brown, round, filled with termites and can support a furry critter?
- Ratbeard's peg leg

This time, why did Hawkules throw the plank at the enemy ship?
- Because his Captain told him "Prepare to board them"

Where is Sam's residence located?
- Under hill

Why was Chrissy always the one to christen a ship?
- Because she was the best equipped to Bless the Fleet

Why does Golden Guardian enjoy spelunking?
- He loves spending time in The Land Down Under

What do you get when you cross El Toro with a sleeping Ratbeard?
- A Bulldozer

What is Bonnie Anne's and Lucky Jack Russell's favorite movie to watch together?
- The Fox and the Hound

What is Gortez's favorite month?
- Ape-ril

What is El Toro's favorite sea creature?
- A Mana-T

What is El Toro's favorite sandwich?
- Bullogna and Cheese

Why was Subodai feeling ill?
- He had a hoarse voice

What did Ratbeard say when his peg leg fell into the icy water?
- Shiver me timbers

Why did Barnabus try to give Dead Mike CPR?
- Because he looked a bit lifeless

Why are Valkoor's jokes sooooooo very, very dry?
- Because there's no water in the Skyways

Sorry, I couldn't resist- dry is my middle name...or is it arid...or maybe parched?
If I clicked the Yar for every giggle or groan I would still be clicking and unclicking that button. Brilliant especially to all of you that tied your jokes to the game. Mine were just pirate jokes. Yours were Pirate 101 jokes. Beyond well done.
Dread Pirate
Jun 17, 2013
2743
Chrissy Th'Blesser on Mar 2, 2014 wrote:
If I clicked the Yar for every giggle or groan I would still be clicking and unclicking that button. Brilliant especially to all of you that tied your jokes to the game. Mine were just pirate jokes. Yours were Pirate 101 jokes. Beyond well done.
Thank you Chrissy...you know me, I just can't refuse a chance at schlap schtick! And your jokes were quite funny as well- and of course they were pirate101 related, because they be about pirates, after all. And just a fair warning, I have plenty more where they came from...so stay tuned and grab plenty of yum, to wash all of the dryness down of course...it can be rather hard to swallow.
Dread Pirate
Jun 17, 2013
2743
Sneaky George Quar... on Mar 2, 2014 wrote:
those jokes were hilarious, or should i say hilARRRRious?

why is catbeard never present during lectures? hes never herring what you say

the citizens of la mancha would always go bananas after the monkeys paw returned
Why thank you Sneaky George...and your jokes were quite funny as well.
Gunner's Mate
May 28, 2013
294
What's is Sam's favorite place in the spiral?

FlotSAM

What does Sam do at the buffet although he shouldn't?

SAMple

What would Sam be if he wasn't a pirate?

A SAMoorai

What is Sam's favorite dance?

The SAMba

What is Sam's favorite ointment?

BalSAM

What is Sam's favorite type of hambuger bun?

SeSAMe seed
Petty Officer
Oct 29, 2012
80
Haha I love pirate jokes!!

What is Ratbeard's favorite flavor of Cheese?
CheddARRRR!!

Where can you find Ratbeard when he lost his wooden leg?
Right where you left him!

Bonnie Anne: "that is a nice peg leg and hook ye got there Ratbeard."
Ratbeard: "I should say so it cost me an arm and a leg"

Why are pirates never worried about holes in the sail?
Because they are never short on patches!

How does Catbeard cook his salmon?
On a cedar plank!

Where does Duck Holliday buy his medicine?
The phARRRRRRmacy!

How did Ratbeard know he found land?
He was shore of it!

What is a swashbuckler's favorite flower?
cARRRRRRnations
Pirate Overlord
Mar 10, 2009
6204
Sam Underhill on Mar 5, 2014 wrote:
What's is Sam's favorite place in the spiral?

FlotSAM

What does Sam do at the buffet although he shouldn't?

SAMple

What would Sam be if he wasn't a pirate?

A SAMoorai

What is Sam's favorite dance?

The SAMba

What is Sam's favorite ointment?

BalSAM

What is Sam's favorite type of hambuger bun?

SeSAMe seed
LOL My these are classic I may have to pass Sam of these on.
Dread Pirate
Jun 17, 2013
2743
What is every pirate's favorite companion?
- Either Arrrgos or Eagle Arrrcher

What other profession would The Tiger Auxillary choose if he wasn't piratin'?
- A Cop...because he always wanted to Bagh-a Khan.

Why was Bonnie Anne using cheddar cheese for ammunition?
- Well, she is a Sharp-shooter.

What's a pirate's favorite holiday?
- Duck Holliday

What companion loves to cook raw fish?
- The Inosushi Chef

Which companion would make a good talk show host?
- Lt. Springer

Why was Mustang Sally putting up a partition around her house?
- Because she is a fencer

What do you call a facial mark that is covered by the tears of a madman?
- Romba...you know, a Crazed Water Mole

What group of companions absolutely love cheese?
- The Valvida Brothers (Valveeta)

What do you call a skin irritation that has hung around forever?
- Old Scratch

What do you call a big yellow automobile that is always making wrong turns and driving the wrong way?
- A Blunder-bus

What is El Toro's favorite message board thread?
- A Masked Ball in Padova

What is Hawkules favorite breakfast food?
- Ego Waffles

What is Barnabus' favorite movie?
- The Goonies

Why would El Toro be kicked off the Message Boards?
- Because he is always Riposting

What do you get when you combine a Dog Corsair with a Buccaneer Trainer?
- A Jack Hammer

What crime was Catbeard imprisoned for?
- Littering

Why was the Eagle warrior bouncing up and down softly?
- Because he is a Hoplite

What is a Witchdoctor's favorite fruit?
- Jujube

What other job would a know-it-all ship Captain be good at?
- A News Anchor

What do you call grass that grows without sunlight?
- Blades of Shade(s)

Why is Eurymachus always bowing and folding his hands?
- Because he is Praytorian

That's all for now...I know, I know- thank goodness!!
Administrator
ValkoorTheVictorio... on Mar 13, 2014 wrote:
What is every pirate's favorite companion?
- Either Arrrgos or Eagle Arrrcher

What other profession would The Tiger Auxillary choose if he wasn't piratin'?
- A Cop...because he always wanted to Bagh-a Khan.

Why was Bonnie Anne using cheddar cheese for ammunition?
- Well, she is a Sharp-shooter.

What's a pirate's favorite holiday?
- Duck Holliday

What companion loves to cook raw fish?
- The Inosushi Chef

Which companion would make a good talk show host?
- Lt. Springer

Why was Mustang Sally putting up a partition around her house?
- Because she is a fencer

What do you call a facial mark that is covered by the tears of a madman?
- Romba...you know, a Crazed Water Mole

What group of companions absolutely love cheese?
- The Valvida Brothers (Valveeta)

What do you call a skin irritation that has hung around forever?
- Old Scratch

What do you call a big yellow automobile that is always making wrong turns and driving the wrong way?
- A Blunder-bus

What is El Toro's favorite message board thread?
- A Masked Ball in Padova

What is Hawkules favorite breakfast food?
- Ego Waffles

What is Barnabus' favorite movie?
- The Goonies

Why would El Toro be kicked off the Message Boards?
- Because he is always Riposting

What do you get when you combine a Dog Corsair with a Buccaneer Trainer?
- A Jack Hammer

What crime was Catbeard imprisoned for?
- Littering

Why was the Eagle warrior bouncing up and down softly?
- Because he is a Hoplite

What is a Witchdoctor's favorite fruit?
- Jujube

What other job would a know-it-all ship Captain be good at?
- A News Anchor

What do you call grass that grows without sunlight?
- Blades of Shade(s)

Why is Eurymachus always bowing and folding his hands?
- Because he is Praytorian

That's all for now...I know, I know- thank goodness!!
I read several of the jokes on this thread to the people who sit around me here in the office yesterday, and you all received many smiling groans from the KI Staff. Well done.
*One-Eyed Jack, Your Pirate101 Community Manager*
Dread Pirate
Jun 17, 2013
2743
One-Eyed Jack on Mar 13, 2014 wrote:
I read several of the jokes on this thread to the people who sit around me here in the office yesterday, and you all received many smiling groans from the KI Staff. Well done.
Wow, thank you very much Jack...for sharing with the Staff and for the compliments. We'll take smiling groans any day of the week...now groaning smiles, that's a different story.

Thanks again.
Pirate Overlord
Mar 10, 2009
6204
ValkoorTheVictorio... on Mar 13, 2014 wrote:
What is every pirate's favorite companion?
- Either Arrrgos or Eagle Arrrcher

What other profession would The Tiger Auxillary choose if he wasn't piratin'?
- A Cop...because he always wanted to Bagh-a Khan.

Why was Bonnie Anne using cheddar cheese for ammunition?
- Well, she is a Sharp-shooter.

What's a pirate's favorite holiday?
- Duck Holliday

What companion loves to cook raw fish?
- The Inosushi Chef

Which companion would make a good talk show host?
- Lt. Springer

Why was Mustang Sally putting up a partition around her house?
- Because she is a fencer

What do you call a facial mark that is covered by the tears of a madman?
- Romba...you know, a Crazed Water Mole

What group of companions absolutely love cheese?
- The Valvida Brothers (Valveeta)

What do you call a skin irritation that has hung around forever?
- Old Scratch

What do you call a big yellow automobile that is always making wrong turns and driving the wrong way?
- A Blunder-bus

What is El Toro's favorite message board thread?
- A Masked Ball in Padova

What is Hawkules favorite breakfast food?
- Ego Waffles

What is Barnabus' favorite movie?
- The Goonies

Why would El Toro be kicked off the Message Boards?
- Because he is always Riposting

What do you get when you combine a Dog Corsair with a Buccaneer Trainer?
- A Jack Hammer

What crime was Catbeard imprisoned for?
- Littering

Why was the Eagle warrior bouncing up and down softly?
- Because he is a Hoplite

What is a Witchdoctor's favorite fruit?
- Jujube

What other job would a know-it-all ship Captain be good at?
- A News Anchor

What do you call grass that grows without sunlight?
- Blades of Shade(s)

Why is Eurymachus always bowing and folding his hands?
- Because he is Praytorian

That's all for now...I know, I know- thank goodness!!
Brilliantly groanable as usual. You can always keep my chuckle muscles well toned. Please never stop.
Bosun
Aug 08, 2012
318
What did the pirate say to the spider?
"You are such an ARRRachnid."

What is Catbeard's favorite kind of pickle?
Pickled Herrings

Why was the swashbuckler banned?
Because he was showing off his Flanking

What was Valkoor after he defeated harpies?
Victorious.

Why did Emma cross the skyway?
To get to Bonnie Anne, the Fox Highlander.

What is Jill Underwood (aka me) when she sleeps?
Dreaming.
Ensign
Oct 06, 2013
11
One-Eyed Jack on Mar 13, 2014 wrote:
I read several of the jokes on this thread to the people who sit around me here in the office yesterday, and you all received many smiling groans from the KI Staff. Well done.
I see what you did there
Captain
May 16, 2011
552
.......................... All on improv.

Why did El Toro set up gates around the ship?
Because he was practicing his fencing.

Why did the pirate fall down the pit on purpose?
Because he thought it contained a whole lot of treasure.

Dread Pirate
Jun 17, 2013
2743
Chrissy Th'Blesser on Mar 13, 2014 wrote:
Brilliantly groanable as usual. You can always keep my chuckle muscles well toned. Please never stop.
Thank you Chrissy, chuckle muscles...LOL. I wonder if there any workout videos for them...hey, now that's an idea. 30 second Hars - Groaning Your Way to Well-Sculpted Chuckle Muscles...available on 12, 3D Blu-rays (glasses not included).
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